I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
