I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
