I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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