I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize