Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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