check it out our google latitudes are spooning
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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