how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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