I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
her facebook's as public as her vagina
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
