I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
