Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
