Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
