whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
