His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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