im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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