Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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