So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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