If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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