I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so explain again why im purple
no
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
