So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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