You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
