wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize