Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
