so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize