i would punch a child for taco bell
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
