I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I wear drunk well.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
