so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
