i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
