Cold hands, warm shart.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i think my cat just said my name.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
