he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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