i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
