drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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