let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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