my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
