and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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