Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
