My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
