guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
