After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
