Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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