I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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