I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
