dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize