So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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