cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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