i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
