I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
false alarm, still single
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