He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
