take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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