Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
