no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I will pee on everything he values.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
