I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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