apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
