Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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