Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So vagazzling was a success
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
