Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
