you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
