Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
