Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
