I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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