so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
