i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
