i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
