Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
