i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
