we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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