i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Let's get the cat blown out
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
