if you like me you must not know who I am
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize