my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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